September 11 but that happened in a different country so nobody here thinks about it all that much

Ough okay so. Advanced cognitive psychology test tomorrow. And I hate that class! When I chose psych I did not realise it would all be bio and research methods.... so I'm gonna get my useless degree (since I only have a month or so left) and then next year start a whole new degree in counselling. I would say I shouldn't have chosen this but when I was 18 it was what I wanted more than anything. It just so happens that a lot of things change in 3 years. 

I just want to get out of this house and be independent and not in the closet. I feel like I'm only living half a life in here. It will happen, it will happen, I just have to be patient, but I've been being patient since I was sixteen.

I am just very burnt out on academia and aplhabetising sources and interpreting data and taking multiple choice tests and having to craft a thesis statement. I don't see how any of it is useful. What's useful is my art and my volunteer work and my relationships with people.

I'm 21 and still know nothing! Which they don't warn you about. Or they did, and I didn't listen.

Was sad so went on a long walk and ate a whole tub of ice-cream and watched Dan and Phil play the impossible quiz. The weather has been nice. Spring, finally! I went to the park recently because I wanted to take a picture with the cherry blossoms but there were a lot of people there so I was too shy to be seen taking a selfie. The new Lizzy Mcalpine album is pretty good but maybe not life-changing. We'll see after I listen a couple times. I should ask Sarah what she thinks about it.

I am worried about ruining all my relationships by being too angry and too sad. The angriness is just the sadness puffing itself up to scare away predators, though. Too bad it scares away everyone else as well. Everyone has been very kind and patient with me. I think I need to cut my hair. I think I need to clean my room. I think I need to study for my test and apply for some jobs and go back to the recording studio on a day it isn't raining. I think I need to listen to the Yorushika Zense live again. It's gonna save me this time.

National suicide prevention day today btw! Or yesterday. Probably yesterday. Vague handwavy gesture towards the concept of timezones. I think I have been doing fairly well at preventing my own suicide for 21 years, and hope to continue this streak. It's not that kind of work that gets you a promotion, but the job is fulfilling and the people are nice.

Final thing - was discussing Yesterday with Prilla for some reason I don't remember. Fawn was thinking about how no Beatles would change modern fandom culture - no beatles rpf! Think you could write a book about that. Beatles stop existing, girl is mad bc who will she write her fic about now, sets off on epic quest to create her own boyband and make them kiss each other. She learns a heartfelt lesson about parasociality and also gets really good at the drums by accident. Please note the inherent lesbianism of the concept.

Love you! Please pass your test and be nicer to the people who care about you. And that's including me, bitch!